What My Niece Teaches Me

I have one niece, her name is Natalie. She is the love of my life. Sometimes, I am still suspended in disbelief that I was there to witness the first week of her life, in Sydney Australia where I'm from (I now live in Boston).

A tiny human being, with wrinkly reddish skin, eyes barely open. She is the first grand child of our family, so much celebration was had. I felt immediately connected to this little bundle of life. There's something about that blood connection (she's my older sister's daughter) that creates an instant bond that only blood can grant.

Even as I sit here at my computer, I have a photo of her stuck on my monitor from a few years ago. When I am overwhelmed by a challenging day, I glance down at her portrait as a way to vacuum myself back out to what really counts.

Being an aunty is the BEST job in the world. From the time she was 0, I have had the immense joy and privilege of spoiling her. One time when she was 3, her mum (my sister) said to me "You had better stop spoiling her rotten", to which came little Miss 3's retort "But I LIKE being spoiled!!!" I laughed so hard my belly ached.
That day, my niece taught me that sometimes, it's best to say the obvious.

When the movie 'Chicken Run' came out, my sister and I took Natalie to the cinema to see it. Afterwards, we went across the road to have her favorite, McDonald's. As we settled at a table and Natalie was smiling down at her Happy meal, I asked her the natural question, "Natalie, did you enjoy the movie?" She scrunched her eyebrows up to reveal a young face deep in thought. A few seconds later, she replied "I did, but I'm still a bit confused."
"Oh, what are you confused about?", I asked curiously.
"I still don't understand why the farmer has to kill the chickens", she replied as she munched away on a chicken nugget dipped in sweet and sour sauce.
That day, my niece taught me to treasure innocence.

When I lived in Sydney I frequently offered to babysit Natalie. One weekend when she was in Kindergarden, I had spent an entire day with her, sharing plenty of aunty/niece activities such as make-belief tea parties with her Barbie dolls, hide-and-seek, playing shopkeeper with her pretend plastic supermarket 'products' as well as jump rope. After an exhausting day (she refused to take an afternoon cat nap because "cat naps are for babies"), I opted for a game rooted in pure 'conversation'. "Natalie, what do you want to be when you grow up?" The answer that came was instantaneous. There was no doubt in her mind what her future ambition was. With a huge smile, and a sparkle in her eye, she excitedly shouted "WHEN I GROW UP, I WANT TO BE AN AUNTY!!".
That day, my niece taught me what it's like to have your heart melt.

When I was cleaning my house one very overdue Spring, my sister visited with Natalie. "Oh good, you're here" I said to my sister. "I found this typewriter that belonged to you when you were learning how to type, you should take it home for keepsake, otherwise it's just going in the trash". Natalie witnessed this scene and at once looked bewildered and puzzled by the foreign object that was the topic of our discussion. "WHAT'S THAT????" she demanded to know as she pointed to the typewriter.
"Well, it's a typewriter Natalie", I responded. "It's used for typing, you know, before they had computers", I continued.
Once again, she scrunched up her eyebrows up to produce a look of complete perplexity, as though someone had just broken her entire understanding of the world. This expression was followed by the squeeky roar of "BEFORE there were computers??!!!!????!!!!"
That day, my niece taught me that I am an old fuddy duddy.

Almost a decade has passed since those days, Natalie is now 13 years of age. Recently, I had my wedding here in Boston. My sister, my brother-in-law & their 4 kids flew out all the way from Sydney Australia to participate. I'm so proud to say that my niece Natalie was one of my bridesmaids. I was naturally very happy to have my family here to share my special day with. But the real unexpected joy came from being able to share the little details of being a bride with my treasured niece. I loved that we got our nails painted together. The night before the wedding, Natalie and I stayed together at the Sheraton hotel (near the place of the wedding), where my other bridesmaids were going to join us the next day to get ready. That night, I had a disagreement on the phone with my sister about who was going to give speeches at the wedding reception. I felt myself crumbling under the pressure of executing a stress-free wedding after nearly a year of stress-FULL planning. When Natalie saw how visibly upset I was, she quitely tip-toed up to me and gave me a bear hug.
That day, my niece taught me how to love and how to be gentle.

The next morning, the morning of the wedding, we ordered some room-service breakfast and Natalie and I got to enjoy some quality 'niece/aunty' time. I am extremely delighted that I was able to provide Natalie with the experience of getting her hair and makeup done, and more importantly, being able to share my special day with my special girl. Of course I made certain the makeup artist gave her a light natural look to match her tender age (Natalie is very 'young' for her age).

That day, my niece taught me that no matter how special a day is anticipated to be, it is the most special when you can share that experience with someone who is special in your heart : my niece.........my teacher.

Stones in the River

An old man taking a leisurely stroll stumbles upon a young man sitting by the river bank, throwing pebbles into the water.
Noticing that the young man wore a worrisome expression, he engages him,
"Young man, why are you throwing stones into the river?"
"I am trying to distract myself from my stresses", the young man replied.
"Why don't you tell me what's troubling you? A burden shared is a burden halved", the old man suggested.
"Well, I've just been fired from my job, my son is sick and my wfie is threatening to leave me".
"That is indeed a lot to take.... May I share with you my own experience?" the old man asked.
"At this point I am open to any suggestions", the young man exclaimed.
"What will you do now that you are fired?"
"I don't know"
"Suppose you did know, what would you do?"
"I would look for another job I guess".
"What is so bad about that?" The old man asked.
"It's embarassing to say I was fired from my previous job".
"In what way?"
"I mean, I was not successful".
"Define success?"
"Success is happiness."
"Does one's job make one happy?"
"To some degree, yes".
"If your ex-boss said he made a mistake, and you can have your job back, would you be successful?"
"Kind of, I guess, yes."
"And what if your sick boy died tomorrow, would you still be successful?"
The young man's face drained of color at this hypothetical question.
"I see your point", he replied.
The old man continued, "And what if your wife DID leave you?" He asked. "How would you feel"?
"Sad and hurt", the young man offered.
"Unloved?" the old man probed.
"Yes, like I lost love", the young man admitted.
"Do you have love in your own heart?" Continued the old man.
"Yes, of course... a lot of it!", the young man replied, now a little aggitated.
"Then how would you have lost love?
"I see your point", the young man replied, now almost sheepishly.
"My dear child, one's occupation or status in society does not make one great, happy or successful. It may give the illusion of happiness, but that state is ephemeral. Chasing that kind of happiness leaves one chasing one's tail for life. Love does not come from someone else. That is not real love. That is the illusion of love. Real love comes from within your own heart, and that never leaves you no matter how battered your ego becomes. Always remember that".

The young man was silent now. He looked at the river, listening to the soothing sounds of the running streams. He pondered the words of the old man.
"But it is still hard", the young man finally said.
"Yes, life was not meant to be easy. It is the challenging experiences that allow you to know who you really are".
"Who am I?", the young man asked.
The old man said nothing.
"Who am I?" the young man asked once more.
Again the old man said nothing. Now frustrated, the young man screamed "WHO AM I?"
The old man smiled and softly said
"I already know, now it's your turn to know".