Have you ever tried something and "failed"? Have you ever competed in an event, and "lost"? If the answer is yes, I submit to you a consideration to ponder. Can you really fail at anything? When you lose in a competition, do you really lose? I used to think so.
One of my passions is public speaking. I love it because it's a good medium to spread a message. It's a one-to-many communication, that when delivered effectively can add value to the lives of dozens and potentially hundreds, thousands and millions of people.
Public speaking is an acquired skill. No matter what level you are currently at, there is always room for improvement. As with anything I take an active interest in, I seek out books, seminars, and work shops to learn from. In 2005 I began attending Toastmasters as a regular member. Toastmasters is a non-profit organization where you get to practice public speaking. Initially, I joined to overcome my fear of talking in front of other people. Back in High School, this was never a problem. But somewhere between university and working with computers, my public speaking confidence regressed significantly. I remember one time, in a work meeting, I had a great idea, but kept it to myself solely because I couldn't bear the thought of all of the eyes in the room looking at me. I went home that day feeling very disappointed and frustrated in myself.
Since then I have re-gained confidence in conveying my thoughts in a coherent manner before multiple sets of beady eyes. I realized that public speaking is a muscle. If you train frequently, it becomes strong. If you let it lay dormant, it atrophies. And just like working out, you can learn to enjoy it. It's hard to believe, but just as exercising encourages the production of endorphins and other feel-good chemicals, public speaking creates a rush of fulfillment when you connect with the crowd. I'm not referring to an ego boost, but rather, an unspoken inner understanding that the words you contributed penetrated a part of the audience's consciousness that had fallen inert.
Twice a year, Toastmaster's International hosts a public speaking competition. Winners advance to the next round and compete with other winners. There are 6 rounds to win the ultimate title on an International level.
So far I have competed about 4 times. Last year during the 3rd round of competition, I lost. Earlier this year, I lost in the first round. I was bruised. Don't get me wrong, the guy that won deserved to win, but what my intellect accepted, my ego rejected. That night, I was vacuumed into a vortex of negativity. Instead of contemplating on how I could improve, I mentally punished myself for all the things I must have done wrong. Have you ever been in that space? Trapped in your own abyss of darkness?
Having witnessed enough of my masochistic behaviors, my wise husband Rob said to me, "If you won, what would you have learned? People that are successful learn the most through their failures". That comment struck me like a bolt of lightening. It was what I needed to hear for inspiration. Finally, and not a moment too soon, I peeled myself off the ground and began re-merging with what I loved about public speaking, connecting with the audience.
I learned that losing wasn't losing at all, but simply a form of feedback on how effective you are right now. If you use it to figure out ways on how you can improve, you are on the right track. If you devise methods to continually learn and grow, demand of yourself to become even more effective the next time around, then you have not lost at all, you have won.
What I learned is that the competition is never against anyone else. The real game is the continual challenge of expanding yourself, not just as a speaker, but as a human being from the lessons learned along the way.
