I have one niece, her name is Natalie. She is the love of my life. Sometimes, I am still suspended in disbelief that I was there to witness the first week of her life, in Sydney Australia where I'm from (I now live in Boston).
A tiny human being, with wrinkly reddish skin, eyes barely open. She is the first grand child of our family, so much celebration was had. I felt immediately connected to this little bundle of life. There's something about that blood connection (she's my older sister's daughter) that creates an instant bond that only blood can grant.
Even as I sit here at my computer, I have a photo of her stuck on my monitor from a few years ago. When I am overwhelmed by a challenging day, I glance down at her portrait as a way to vacuum myself back out to what really counts.
Being an aunty is the BEST job in the world. From the time she was 0, I have had the immense joy and privilege of spoiling her. One time when she was 3, her mum (my sister) said to me "You had better stop spoiling her rotten", to which came little Miss 3's retort "But I LIKE being spoiled!!!" I laughed so hard my belly ached.
That day, my niece taught me that sometimes, it's best to say the obvious.
When the movie 'Chicken Run' came out, my sister and I took Natalie to the cinema to see it. Afterwards, we went across the road to have her favorite, McDonald's. As we settled at a table and Natalie was smiling down at her Happy meal, I asked her the natural question, "Natalie, did you enjoy the movie?" She scrunched her eyebrows up to reveal a young face deep in thought. A few seconds later, she replied "I did, but I'm still a bit confused."
"Oh, what are you confused about?", I asked curiously.
"I still don't understand why the farmer has to kill the chickens", she replied as she munched away on a chicken nugget dipped in sweet and sour sauce.
That day, my niece taught me to treasure innocence.
When I lived in Sydney I frequently offered to babysit Natalie. One weekend when she was in Kindergarden, I had spent an entire day with her, sharing plenty of aunty/niece activities such as make-belief tea parties with her Barbie dolls, hide-and-seek, playing shopkeeper with her pretend plastic supermarket 'products' as well as jump rope. After an exhausting day (she refused to take an afternoon cat nap because "cat naps are for babies"), I opted for a game rooted in pure 'conversation'. "Natalie, what do you want to be when you grow up?" The answer that came was instantaneous. There was no doubt in her mind what her future ambition was. With a huge smile, and a sparkle in her eye, she excitedly shouted "WHEN I GROW UP, I WANT TO BE AN AUNTY!!".
That day, my niece taught me what it's like to have your heart melt.
When I was cleaning my house one very overdue Spring, my sister visited with Natalie. "Oh good, you're here" I said to my sister. "I found this typewriter that belonged to you when you were learning how to type, you should take it home for keepsake, otherwise it's just going in the trash". Natalie witnessed this scene and at once looked bewildered and puzzled by the foreign object that was the topic of our discussion. "WHAT'S THAT????" she demanded to know as she pointed to the typewriter.
"Well, it's a typewriter Natalie", I responded. "It's used for typing, you know, before they had computers", I continued.
Once again, she scrunched up her eyebrows up to produce a look of complete perplexity, as though someone had just broken her entire understanding of the world. This expression was followed by the squeeky roar of "BEFORE there were computers??!!!!????!!!!"
That day, my niece taught me that I am an old fuddy duddy.
Almost a decade has passed since those days, Natalie is now 13 years of age. Recently, I had my wedding here in Boston. My sister, my brother-in-law & their 4 kids flew out all the way from Sydney Australia to participate. I'm so proud to say that my niece Natalie was one of my bridesmaids. I was naturally very happy to have my family here to share my special day with. But the real unexpected joy came from being able to share the little details of being a bride with my treasured niece. I loved that we got our nails painted together. The night before the wedding, Natalie and I stayed together at the Sheraton hotel (near the place of the wedding), where my other bridesmaids were going to join us the next day to get ready. That night, I had a disagreement on the phone with my sister about who was going to give speeches at the wedding reception. I felt myself crumbling under the pressure of executing a stress-free wedding after nearly a year of stress-FULL planning. When Natalie saw how visibly upset I was, she quitely tip-toed up to me and gave me a bear hug.
That day, my niece taught me how to love and how to be gentle.
The next morning, the morning of the wedding, we ordered some room-service breakfast and Natalie and I got to enjoy some quality 'niece/aunty' time. I am extremely delighted that I was able to provide Natalie with the experience of getting her hair and makeup done, and more importantly, being able to share my special day with my special girl. Of course I made certain the makeup artist gave her a light natural look to match her tender age (Natalie is very 'young' for her age).
That day, my niece taught me that no matter how special a day is anticipated to be, it is the most special when you can share that experience with someone who is special in your heart : my niece.........my teacher.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Stones in the River
An old man taking a leisurely stroll stumbles upon a young man sitting by the river bank, throwing pebbles into the water.
Noticing that the young man wore a worrisome expression, he engages him,
"Young man, why are you throwing stones into the river?"
"I am trying to distract myself from my stresses", the young man replied.
"Why don't you tell me what's troubling you? A burden shared is a burden halved", the old man suggested.
"Well, I've just been fired from my job, my son is sick and my wfie is threatening to leave me".
"That is indeed a lot to take.... May I share with you my own experience?" the old man asked.
"At this point I am open to any suggestions", the young man exclaimed.
"What will you do now that you are fired?"
"I don't know"
"Suppose you did know, what would you do?"
"I would look for another job I guess".
"What is so bad about that?" The old man asked.
"It's embarassing to say I was fired from my previous job".
"In what way?"
"I mean, I was not successful".
"Define success?"
"Success is happiness."
"Does one's job make one happy?"
"To some degree, yes".
"If your ex-boss said he made a mistake, and you can have your job back, would you be successful?"
"Kind of, I guess, yes."
"And what if your sick boy died tomorrow, would you still be successful?"
The young man's face drained of color at this hypothetical question.
"I see your point", he replied.
The old man continued, "And what if your wife DID leave you?" He asked. "How would you feel"?
"Sad and hurt", the young man offered.
"Unloved?" the old man probed.
"Yes, like I lost love", the young man admitted.
"Do you have love in your own heart?" Continued the old man.
"Yes, of course... a lot of it!", the young man replied, now a little aggitated.
"Then how would you have lost love?
"I see your point", the young man replied, now almost sheepishly.
"My dear child, one's occupation or status in society does not make one great, happy or successful. It may give the illusion of happiness, but that state is ephemeral. Chasing that kind of happiness leaves one chasing one's tail for life. Love does not come from someone else. That is not real love. That is the illusion of love. Real love comes from within your own heart, and that never leaves you no matter how battered your ego becomes. Always remember that".
The young man was silent now. He looked at the river, listening to the soothing sounds of the running streams. He pondered the words of the old man.
"But it is still hard", the young man finally said.
"Yes, life was not meant to be easy. It is the challenging experiences that allow you to know who you really are".
"Who am I?", the young man asked.
The old man said nothing.
"Who am I?" the young man asked once more.
Again the old man said nothing. Now frustrated, the young man screamed "WHO AM I?"
The old man smiled and softly said
"I already know, now it's your turn to know".
Noticing that the young man wore a worrisome expression, he engages him,
"Young man, why are you throwing stones into the river?"
"I am trying to distract myself from my stresses", the young man replied.
"Why don't you tell me what's troubling you? A burden shared is a burden halved", the old man suggested.
"Well, I've just been fired from my job, my son is sick and my wfie is threatening to leave me".
"That is indeed a lot to take.... May I share with you my own experience?" the old man asked.
"At this point I am open to any suggestions", the young man exclaimed.
"What will you do now that you are fired?"
"I don't know"
"Suppose you did know, what would you do?"
"I would look for another job I guess".
"What is so bad about that?" The old man asked.
"It's embarassing to say I was fired from my previous job".
"In what way?"
"I mean, I was not successful".
"Define success?"
"Success is happiness."
"Does one's job make one happy?"
"To some degree, yes".
"If your ex-boss said he made a mistake, and you can have your job back, would you be successful?"
"Kind of, I guess, yes."
"And what if your sick boy died tomorrow, would you still be successful?"
The young man's face drained of color at this hypothetical question.
"I see your point", he replied.
The old man continued, "And what if your wife DID leave you?" He asked. "How would you feel"?
"Sad and hurt", the young man offered.
"Unloved?" the old man probed.
"Yes, like I lost love", the young man admitted.
"Do you have love in your own heart?" Continued the old man.
"Yes, of course... a lot of it!", the young man replied, now a little aggitated.
"Then how would you have lost love?
"I see your point", the young man replied, now almost sheepishly.
"My dear child, one's occupation or status in society does not make one great, happy or successful. It may give the illusion of happiness, but that state is ephemeral. Chasing that kind of happiness leaves one chasing one's tail for life. Love does not come from someone else. That is not real love. That is the illusion of love. Real love comes from within your own heart, and that never leaves you no matter how battered your ego becomes. Always remember that".
The young man was silent now. He looked at the river, listening to the soothing sounds of the running streams. He pondered the words of the old man.
"But it is still hard", the young man finally said.
"Yes, life was not meant to be easy. It is the challenging experiences that allow you to know who you really are".
"Who am I?", the young man asked.
The old man said nothing.
"Who am I?" the young man asked once more.
Again the old man said nothing. Now frustrated, the young man screamed "WHO AM I?"
The old man smiled and softly said
"I already know, now it's your turn to know".
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The Journey Of Relationships
I have heard that Hindsight is 20/20 vision. If that is the case, then going through the experience itself is surely a prerequisite to the insights in the first place, warts'n all.
Having accumulated my fair share of relationship encounters, I dedicate the following to those still seeking their ideal love or have travelled the path.
***********************************************
Relationships are a tough terrain to navigate.
You may have in your possession a compass of past mistakes
And rubber soles thick from your heart's previous rips.
You may even have the "I will conquer this once and for all" attitude.
After the initial glee & excitement of a traveller setting foot on new land
After the novelty has eroded,
You find yourself in desolate unchartered territory,
Feeling alone, lost and afraid.
You question your decision to have come here in the first place.
Somewhere in the distance, you assume, you hope, there exists an oasis.
There, you would jump into pools of beautiful blue water.
There, you would find joy, wrap yourself in the luxury of laughter, your soul's true desire.
As the vision of this paradise fades before your eyes,
It is replaced by a sand storm, corrosive against your pupils.
Tears well up in the corner of your eyes as the excruciating pain of the dust stings your core.
And now the tears come from the depths of your struggling spirit.
Why had you come here?
Why had you foolishly subjected yourself to this torture?
And the pain... the sharp pain that is drowning your heart.
All for what?... for the unanswered promise of a happy land.
You let out a loud scream!
But your echos are drowned out by the howling chaos all around you.
You sob and sob. You wail and wail, releasing your desperate cries of torment.
But no one hears you.
You have lost all bearings.
You curl up in a fetal position on the ground,
Helpless, forlorn,
Surrendering to the cruelty of the desert storm.
Seconds and minutes go by,
Hours, Days,
You have lost count.
There is no clock.
As you re-engage conscious thought,
You realize that the sand storm has passed
And you are now surrounded by silence,
A peaceful calm seems to be holding you now.
Gradually, you lift your face from behind your own hands.
The wrath of nature has indeed disappeared
Substituted by the serene caress
Of a hopeful breeze.
You release a deep sigh, gather your strength
And take yet another step into the unknown lands,
Towards the direction of the Sun in the horizon,
Towards the image of the paradise you foresaw in your dreams.
**********************************************
Having accumulated my fair share of relationship encounters, I dedicate the following to those still seeking their ideal love or have travelled the path.
***********************************************
Relationships are a tough terrain to navigate.
You may have in your possession a compass of past mistakes
And rubber soles thick from your heart's previous rips.
You may even have the "I will conquer this once and for all" attitude.
After the initial glee & excitement of a traveller setting foot on new land
After the novelty has eroded,
You find yourself in desolate unchartered territory,
Feeling alone, lost and afraid.
You question your decision to have come here in the first place.
Somewhere in the distance, you assume, you hope, there exists an oasis.
There, you would jump into pools of beautiful blue water.
There, you would find joy, wrap yourself in the luxury of laughter, your soul's true desire.
As the vision of this paradise fades before your eyes,
It is replaced by a sand storm, corrosive against your pupils.
Tears well up in the corner of your eyes as the excruciating pain of the dust stings your core.
And now the tears come from the depths of your struggling spirit.
Why had you come here?
Why had you foolishly subjected yourself to this torture?
And the pain... the sharp pain that is drowning your heart.
All for what?... for the unanswered promise of a happy land.
You let out a loud scream!
But your echos are drowned out by the howling chaos all around you.
You sob and sob. You wail and wail, releasing your desperate cries of torment.
But no one hears you.
You have lost all bearings.
You curl up in a fetal position on the ground,
Helpless, forlorn,
Surrendering to the cruelty of the desert storm.
Seconds and minutes go by,
Hours, Days,
You have lost count.
There is no clock.
As you re-engage conscious thought,
You realize that the sand storm has passed
And you are now surrounded by silence,
A peaceful calm seems to be holding you now.
Gradually, you lift your face from behind your own hands.
The wrath of nature has indeed disappeared
Substituted by the serene caress
Of a hopeful breeze.
You release a deep sigh, gather your strength
And take yet another step into the unknown lands,
Towards the direction of the Sun in the horizon,
Towards the image of the paradise you foresaw in your dreams.
**********************************************
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Two Rights Make Two Wrongs
In my experience, what people want is acceptance. That is, to be accepted and loved exactly the way they are and exactly the way they are not. Pretences, walls and strong suits (personality assets) are ways we have learned to masquerade who we 'really' are, in case we are rejected.
The world seems to contain too many walls, misunderstandings, rights and wrongs, all judgements. What if there was no 'one' right more than another, just different views? Person A standing in a box, facing the pink wall claims to person B that the wall is indeed pink. Person B faces the blue wall behind person A and swears by the shirt on his back that the wall is definitely blue, not pink. Who is right? They are equally correct. Both are in the same box, only facing opposite walls. Now imagine they begin to argue about the color, even call each other names and end up hating one another, all because they fail to turn around and see the box from the other party's point of view. Pretty riduclous, wouldn't you say? To the outside observer, this appears insane. Person A and B are in a deadlock, unable to zoom out and see the bigger picture. They are trapped in the disdain and disgust of their own myopic perspectives.
In my previous blog entry (1 October 2007) I spoke about anger, and how the anger was already inside of us and when triggered, there is a subtle moment, a gap in which we can choose whether to lash out at others or to let it go. I experienced this first hand this week. Last Saturday our house was in disarray. After an entire day of cleaning, I got fed up.
"Your shoes are all over the place! Why can't you help me clean up for once!" I barked at my husband. After 45 minutes of rampage and unleashing verbal abuse at him, he said,
"You are acting like a crazy woman! Where is all this anger coming from? You should read your own blog about anger."
Bam! It hit me right in the gut. I wasn't practicing what I preached. I had been staring at the 'pink' wall, blind-sighted by my own views, making him wrong for seeing a different colored wall, unable to surmise the scope of the box. I was immediately humbled by this apt reminder and retreated to the corner to lick my self-inflicted wounds of hypocracy.
Juilia Cameron (author of "The Artist's Way") says, we tend to practice what we teach. When my husband pointed out to me how incongruent my behavior had been to my writings, I was jolted back to conscious choice, stepped back and saw the 'box'. I continue to slip back now and again, more often than I care to admit. My objective is to catch myself more and more quickly each time.
The world seems to contain too many walls, misunderstandings, rights and wrongs, all judgements. What if there was no 'one' right more than another, just different views? Person A standing in a box, facing the pink wall claims to person B that the wall is indeed pink. Person B faces the blue wall behind person A and swears by the shirt on his back that the wall is definitely blue, not pink. Who is right? They are equally correct. Both are in the same box, only facing opposite walls. Now imagine they begin to argue about the color, even call each other names and end up hating one another, all because they fail to turn around and see the box from the other party's point of view. Pretty riduclous, wouldn't you say? To the outside observer, this appears insane. Person A and B are in a deadlock, unable to zoom out and see the bigger picture. They are trapped in the disdain and disgust of their own myopic perspectives.
In my previous blog entry (1 October 2007) I spoke about anger, and how the anger was already inside of us and when triggered, there is a subtle moment, a gap in which we can choose whether to lash out at others or to let it go. I experienced this first hand this week. Last Saturday our house was in disarray. After an entire day of cleaning, I got fed up.
"Your shoes are all over the place! Why can't you help me clean up for once!" I barked at my husband. After 45 minutes of rampage and unleashing verbal abuse at him, he said,
"You are acting like a crazy woman! Where is all this anger coming from? You should read your own blog about anger."
Bam! It hit me right in the gut. I wasn't practicing what I preached. I had been staring at the 'pink' wall, blind-sighted by my own views, making him wrong for seeing a different colored wall, unable to surmise the scope of the box. I was immediately humbled by this apt reminder and retreated to the corner to lick my self-inflicted wounds of hypocracy.
Juilia Cameron (author of "The Artist's Way") says, we tend to practice what we teach. When my husband pointed out to me how incongruent my behavior had been to my writings, I was jolted back to conscious choice, stepped back and saw the 'box'. I continue to slip back now and again, more often than I care to admit. My objective is to catch myself more and more quickly each time.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Who You Really Are Is Like An Onion
If Life is like a box of chocolates, then who you really are is like an Onion. Have you ever contemplated the question who am I? Becoming aware of who you are is a process. You peel back a layer that you think is you, but turns out to be a piece of programming from the past. You then peel back another layer, and another and another, until you get to the center, your true self.
In Spiritualism, there is a process referred to as unfoldment. It's a process whereby you work on yourself to heal the aspects that are not yet healed. Once it is healed, you work on another aspect. This makes a lot of sense to me, except I don't think heal is the most accurate term. To heal implies that something is injured, which I don't believe to be the case. I would prefer to use the term awareness.
Are you consciously peeling back your layers? Or do you still believe you are the onion? I've been pondering this for a while. We are born with no previous conditioning, and so life is a playground. There are no concepts of shoulds or shouldn'ts. We climb on chairs, we scream when we feel like it, we cry and then we laugh the very next minute. There are no rules. There is no right and there is no wrong.
As we become older, we take on the programming of our parents, our peers, and write our own story of how we are supposed to be, the best way for us to behave. Most of the time. this occurs unconsciously. The programming is executing while we are in a walking slumber. Perhaps, just perhaps, it is time to awaken from the sleep and re-claim the driver's seat.
I see us (human beings) as a combination of machinery (the human physical components), combined with software (the thoughts that run the machinery) and the programmer (our conscious selves). If we are not aware of our own programmer, then the machine happily obeys the instructions of the software that is already running. It can sit there for it's entire physical existence running and re-running the software that is already running. The conditions that our parents installed, our peers installed, our school teachers installed, the guy at the deli, the neighbor, basically anybody who we've ever "bought" a concept from that has added to our suite of programs.
There could be a million reasons why the person cut you off in traffic, perhaps he was just obnoxious, perhaps he was oblivious, perhaps he was rushing to take his child to the emergency room. Know the why isn't as important as being aware of the trigger within you, and letting it go. Letting it go requires altering your state of being in the present moment. For me, I take a deep breath in through my nose, holding it for a few seconds and then exhaling through my mouth. I repeat this a few times. It also helps me by focusing in that moment on what I am grateful for, related to that particular circumstance. For example I'm glad I got out of this one accident free.
In Spiritualism, there is a process referred to as unfoldment. It's a process whereby you work on yourself to heal the aspects that are not yet healed. Once it is healed, you work on another aspect. This makes a lot of sense to me, except I don't think heal is the most accurate term. To heal implies that something is injured, which I don't believe to be the case. I would prefer to use the term awareness.
Are you consciously peeling back your layers? Or do you still believe you are the onion? I've been pondering this for a while. We are born with no previous conditioning, and so life is a playground. There are no concepts of shoulds or shouldn'ts. We climb on chairs, we scream when we feel like it, we cry and then we laugh the very next minute. There are no rules. There is no right and there is no wrong.
As we become older, we take on the programming of our parents, our peers, and write our own story of how we are supposed to be, the best way for us to behave. Most of the time. this occurs unconsciously. The programming is executing while we are in a walking slumber. Perhaps, just perhaps, it is time to awaken from the sleep and re-claim the driver's seat.
I see us (human beings) as a combination of machinery (the human physical components), combined with software (the thoughts that run the machinery) and the programmer (our conscious selves). If we are not aware of our own programmer, then the machine happily obeys the instructions of the software that is already running. It can sit there for it's entire physical existence running and re-running the software that is already running. The conditions that our parents installed, our peers installed, our school teachers installed, the guy at the deli, the neighbor, basically anybody who we've ever "bought" a concept from that has added to our suite of programs.
Once you are aware that you have access to the programmer-self, you can choose to delete certain programs that no longer serve who you are. You can even write new programs that serve who you are today, and who you want to be tomorrow.
How does this translate into practice? Once you are aware of these dimensions of yourself (machinery/software/programmer), you can begin to question, at any point in time, who is running your show? Is it the existing programming (your conditions of the past) or is it you, the programmer?
For example, you bought your wife some jewelry and she thanks you but didn't gush over it. You are frustrated because you feel that she didn't really appreciate it, all of the effort that you went through to select it. You resent her a little and even feel slightly under-appreciated. Was it really your wife that caused you to feel resentful? She is an external component, a peripheral device if you will, another person. What is the programming that you are running that tells you you are under appreciated? Perhaps your parents ooh'd and ugh'd over your achievements as a child, and therefore you only feel appreciated if people verbalize extensively their appreciation of your actions. Or perhaps it was the opposite, your parents never acknowledged you as a child for any accomplishment or thoughtful deed, and you still look for that in your adult life. What is the program that is churning? and does it still serve you? Can you delete that program because it makes you feel lousy every time? Can you re-write it so you don't require an external person (your wife, your co-workers, whoever) to validate you? Install a new program that tells you to feel happy because you did something nice for someone else".
Another example is
Somebody cut you off in traffic and your anger is triggered. It is not actually the driver of the other car that caused your anger. The anger was already inside you, and the person or circumstance simply activated it. Thus, you have to ask ourselves the question, what in my past caused my anger to flare when people behaved obnoxiously? You may see that back in school, some kid cut you off in the cafeteria line, or bullied you and you began to associate such circumstances with an angry response. Perhaps your memory does not allow you to remember anything that specific at all. The main point is that you are looking. The idea is not to find incidences from the past, although that helps tremendously. Rather, it is about shifting the focus of responsibility from being 'out there' to being 'in here' within yourself.
There could be a million reasons why the person cut you off in traffic, perhaps he was just obnoxious, perhaps he was oblivious, perhaps he was rushing to take his child to the emergency room. Know the why isn't as important as being aware of the trigger within you, and letting it go. Letting it go requires altering your state of being in the present moment. For me, I take a deep breath in through my nose, holding it for a few seconds and then exhaling through my mouth. I repeat this a few times. It also helps me by focusing in that moment on what I am grateful for, related to that particular circumstance. For example I'm glad I got out of this one accident free.
***********************************************
I believe that the truth is in the eye of the beholder. It's all about perspectives and thinking outside the box. This is something I challenge myself to do. For me, it's a part of the entertainment of being a member of the human race.
The next time you look in the mirror, look at your reflection a little longer than you normally would and ask yourself, "Who am I"? I challenge you to challenge yourself to distinguish who runs your show. Is it the existing programs from the past? Or do you write your own programs?
Friday, September 28, 2007
Resistance is Futile
In practicing conscious awareness, I have been observing my own resistance. I'm discovering that when you dread, avoid or procrastinate doing something, it's usually because there are 2 opposing forces battling it out inside you. It's very subtle though, so you have to pay attention (hence the term conscious awareness), otherwise patterns of the past, unconscious behaviors run the show. The affirmative internal self knows that the action must be taken, should be taken, ought to be taken. But the negative side says 'no, no, leave me alone, I just want to play, I don't want responsibility'. These 2 goals are incongruent and therefore, the struggle.
The secret is to practice noticing the mini civil war within. For me, I use a narrator of my observer self.
'OK, it's time to go grocery shopping again. I am aware that I am rolling my eyes, I am
aware of the tightness in my chest, the shortness of breath, the drooping of my
shoulders, the tightness in my stomach. I am aware that I don't want to go.'
Through this running commentary in my head, I am able to distinguish that putting up an internal fight is completely driven by patterns of the past. For example, I've always disliked going food shopping, so when I need to go, I experience great resistance. A gem that I've discovered is that you can actually let go of the resistance. Again, it's very subtle. You have to consciously cause it. You cause it by first taking a deep breath through your nose and pull your shoulders back. It also helps to smile. Basically, you are consciously initiating a different state of being. I am reminded of an Anthony Robbin's teaching, a change in physiology alters your state.
In acting class, there is a warm-up exercise where you take a deep breath in through your nose, hold your breath and as you exhale, you say out loud "Let go". That is exactly what you do when you give up resisting taking some form of action.
T Harv Ecker mentioned in a seminar "it's amazing that you can resist and resist and resist, and your legs can still move over to where you need to take action".
My Leadership course instructor used to say "You can access heaven by going with the flow, or you can get there kicking and screaming. It's up to you".
The secret is to practice noticing the mini civil war within. For me, I use a narrator of my observer self.
'OK, it's time to go grocery shopping again. I am aware that I am rolling my eyes, I am
aware of the tightness in my chest, the shortness of breath, the drooping of my
shoulders, the tightness in my stomach. I am aware that I don't want to go.'
Through this running commentary in my head, I am able to distinguish that putting up an internal fight is completely driven by patterns of the past. For example, I've always disliked going food shopping, so when I need to go, I experience great resistance. A gem that I've discovered is that you can actually let go of the resistance. Again, it's very subtle. You have to consciously cause it. You cause it by first taking a deep breath through your nose and pull your shoulders back. It also helps to smile. Basically, you are consciously initiating a different state of being. I am reminded of an Anthony Robbin's teaching, a change in physiology alters your state.
In acting class, there is a warm-up exercise where you take a deep breath in through your nose, hold your breath and as you exhale, you say out loud "Let go". That is exactly what you do when you give up resisting taking some form of action.
T Harv Ecker mentioned in a seminar "it's amazing that you can resist and resist and resist, and your legs can still move over to where you need to take action".
My Leadership course instructor used to say "You can access heaven by going with the flow, or you can get there kicking and screaming. It's up to you".
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Listening from Learning
When I took a 6-month Leadership training program in 2006, I was taught to "listen". I discovered that there are many ways that one can actively listen. When you cause yourself to be conscious of listening in a certain context, you hear things that you may not otherwise hear. For example, listening for the Gold, listening from compassion, listening from understanding, and my personal favorite, Listening from Learning. I like this one the most because I do it as a default, it comes naturally to me.
I believe that everyone we talk to is a potential teacher and so I enjoy listening for the wisdom in each person I communicate with. For example, I recently started taking an acting class. My acting teacher, Stan, is a very wise man. In the very first class, he taught us different exercises both vocal and physical. He imparts that there are 4 basic emotions, anger, sadness, happiness and fear. However, the one thing I found most valuable was learning about reacting. If you are rehearsing lines with somebody, you are reacting to your partner. Our homework, was to observe our reactions in interactions with people in our lives. More specifically, we are to wait a small period longer than we normally would before speaking. The general principle is to have us be in touch with our initial emotion and then deciding how to respond. What I love about this method of self-observation, is that it builds self-awareness. Rather than operating in the thick of our raw emotional reactions, we can actually distinguish the feeling that comes up and then allowing the authentic self to choose the response. Wouldn't it be great if we do this consistently in our day-to-day lives, to pause before reacting. The world could do with a lot more of this type of self-awareness.
I believe that everyone we talk to is a potential teacher and so I enjoy listening for the wisdom in each person I communicate with. For example, I recently started taking an acting class. My acting teacher, Stan, is a very wise man. In the very first class, he taught us different exercises both vocal and physical. He imparts that there are 4 basic emotions, anger, sadness, happiness and fear. However, the one thing I found most valuable was learning about reacting. If you are rehearsing lines with somebody, you are reacting to your partner. Our homework, was to observe our reactions in interactions with people in our lives. More specifically, we are to wait a small period longer than we normally would before speaking. The general principle is to have us be in touch with our initial emotion and then deciding how to respond. What I love about this method of self-observation, is that it builds self-awareness. Rather than operating in the thick of our raw emotional reactions, we can actually distinguish the feeling that comes up and then allowing the authentic self to choose the response. Wouldn't it be great if we do this consistently in our day-to-day lives, to pause before reacting. The world could do with a lot more of this type of self-awareness.
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